


had not thought that it would be like this

by 5 Star Binch (thecannibalofoz)



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: M/M, Really depressing shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-11-09 03:25:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11095872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecannibalofoz/pseuds/5%20Star%20Binch
Summary: 18. 39. 46. 80. All the ages Mac thought would be his last.





	had not thought that it would be like this

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from the poem "Eden Rock" by Charles Causley. A short study of Mac, Dennis and death and love.

18.  
That's the age Mac is going to die.  
As he lies in the sterile light of the hospital,  
Tubes stuck down his throat,  
The world blurring around him as though everything was moving.  
And there he was. Still.  
He hears his voice murmur above him,  
Slurred by the beer and the worry.  
“You're gonna be okay, Mac, you're gonna be okay.”  
But Mac isn’t sure he can believe him.  
He is sure he can see God, the light leading him to his eternal rest,  
He is sure that his voice will be the last thing he'll ever hear, maybe,  
But when he hears “I love you,” and wakes up the next day to an empty room,  
He realises he isn't too sure of anything at all.

 

39.  
That's the age Mac is going to die.   
And Dennis is going to die and Dee is   
Going to die and Charlie is going to die  
And Frank is going to die.  
He supposes he deserves this, this cold frantic demise.  
Sinking with the sinners he lived with.  
And as the water rises high above his head and he knows that this is it, this is the end,  
He turns to face him, the man who he's lived with all his life.  
Died with, as he clasps his hand with a gentle smile and closes his eyes  
And he wants so badly to say “I love   
You, I've always loved you,” but he  
Knows that the water would carry the words away and he'd rather save his final  
Breaths and he knows he's spent an entire lifetime saying “I love you” and   
He's sure he will never hear it back.

 

46.  
That's the age Mac is going to die.  
He can't see and he can't talk, not now but He can think and he thinks, he thinks  
“I feel like I'm 18 again,” as he lies in that still sterile light. Sick.  
And he can hear, he can   
Hear Dee shrieking down the phone  
But he's not sure what she's saying, until  
He wakes up the next morning and realises  
It wasn't as bad as he thought and he turns to his side and he's there.  
It's been six years.  
“I've been here all night,” he said.  
“I'll be here every night from now on.”  
Mac wants to scream, “do you love me?”  
But he's already been so lucky to be alive,  
And he isn't so sure he'll be lucky enough to be happy.

 

80.  
That's the age Mac is going to die.  
It's quiet and it's calm and the   
Lighting is soft and comforting.  
He can hear his voice whispering to him,  
Fond and familiar  
“You know, I always thought I'd be the first one to go,”  
And he's trying to be light but he's breaking, he's breaking, he's breaking   
“I'm so sorry,” he says to Mac, for nothing in particular  
“I love you so much.”  
Mac tries to respond, but he can only croak and quirk his lips into a smile,  
But Dennis sees through his tears and he smiles and he grasps his hand,  
Now the light is leaving him  
And for the first time and the last time Mac   
Can't see God. He can't see anything,  
He can't hear anything but he knows   
Dennis is there. He was always there.  
And that's enough and he's never been   
So sure of anything in his life.


End file.
